Believe it or not but there is a lovely rainbow in that picture. I've been a lot like that picture, kind of gray, overcast, but life and beauty are there if you look closer. I have been laid off from my job, and not really sure why. It was just really sudden in some ways. I did have a rough month in June emotionally. I was falling apart with depression and stress. Always the damn money freaking me out.
One day I was about to finish work from home and my manager reminded me I wasn't allowed to anymore. Was it because I was a bad working from home? Nope. I had one online software testing session with the owner and a co-worker. My first issue was a silly audio issue I got past quickly. Then he noticed the delay in my speech. I'm on a satellite internet service because it's all I can get. I've been using it for WFH for a long time. Well, I guess he didn't like it, spoke to my manager. And then was told I couldn't WFH anymore. Though there had never been an issue in the past.
Ok, so when my manager reminded me I was already so tense and upset, I yelled at him. Yeah. NOT so good. He looked extremely taken aback. I stopped, back away to my desk muttering. Sighed, and went the fifteen feet down the hallway and apologized. I felt terrible. I let him know I'd stay there of course and apologized again and again. Gah. It was awful. I really like him and I think I broke it all at that moment. He immediately went to HR and told her about it. There was a talking too about it and I was struggling holding my cool.
Then they said I needed to improve some things. It was one of the most innocuous list of things I had ever seen come my way. Things like "use more concise language" as I can get long winded, use a more professional tone because I was "too friendly" to a couple of users as in I joked and more casual because we got along, and check and fix a few tickets that needed more info. So the next morning I did them all and I thought it was all going pretty well. He and I were supposed to have a meeting a month later that he canceled because he was pretty busy at the scheduled time. No big deal. I figured if there was something important, he'd let me know.
A couple weeks pass and things seemed to be going well with work though in my personal life I was about to cut and run because of my financial issues. I thought I would do better on my own, I wasn't trusting my partner, but I also wasn't expressing my feelings about it so they festered into the "RUN!" phase. She and I worked it out over that weekend though and happily so. So all was so much better! Then I went to work on Monday, the 14th.
HR sent me a meeting request. I had been having a very productive morning. Mentioned an idea I had to the owner while we both got coffee. He acted a little off but, I didn't think much of it. So, the meeting request. I sent her a message asking what it was about. Odd to have it at 4 PM I thought. She would not tell me why at all. I got a bit suspicious about it. My manager was also acting odd, like when I went to talk about something and he was kind of brief and dismissive. As the day wore on I got more negative vibes but kept telling myself it was me just "storytelling" to myself and that I really didn't know. I did.
So at just a couple minutes before the 4 PM meeting start I wandered down and saw the COO sitting with HR in the conference room. I did truly thought they were meeting about something else and walked on by, checking to see about my manager. His door was closed so I started to walk back up the hall. The COO told me we were meeting there in the conference room and to close the door. DOOM. I have never been fired from a job. I was told I was being let go but without explanation. I asked about the past incident. I asked about the work performance. I asked WHY? The COO, said they'd tell me later. I was upset, like crying upset. And I said that they had to tell me. He answered pretty hotly, "No, we DON'T."
It was so surreal. I sat there bewildered. What was happening? I almost left because I didn't want to freak. But I kind of walked back to the table just, crushed? They gave me a run down of severance and that this would be a mutual thing, so I wasn't being "fired". OK. That's weird. I told them about how I had been thinking, because of things in my personal life, about giving a month notice to move back to Utah. I told them how I had worked things out and had come in with a whole new fresh attitude to move forward there. They both actually looked a little shocked and pained when I said that. Oh well.
I went and made sure I cleaned up my files and such on my systems. Got my few belongings. Gave my badge and keys to the COO who was kind of hovering out in the hall. Told him they could keep my little weather station. Told him I was going to miss them even. And I left. I cried a couple times on the way home. I bawled on the front porch telling my partner about it all and how confused I was. It was a pretty rough day, right?
Then I just felt a huge relief. My partner and I decided to start up the online store she wanted to do for a long time. I'd be a 50% partner. Creative input. Making things to sell too. And seriously I have been so happy ever since. We'll have the online store open very soon. I have been thriving working on things for it. I think it was just time to make a change and here's to making rainbows on cloudy days.
