Had a vasectomy awhile back, a bit over a decade ago. When I realized I needed to be way more responsible than I had been the past 40 years. That it was way more important for the woman in my life at the time. I had been scared. Scared of my family dying out or some bullshit like that I told myself. We can all change and grow.
Mine wasn't so painless but that's not the point. The point is taking that responsibility. I love all my kids. Deeply. But I know I'm not the best choice for a progenitor. I have some severe issues that made it difficult to be a good parent and I know my children suffered for it.
So, you want to do the smart thing? Think about if you're ready, really ready to support a family or to grow one. Think about if you're doing a good enough job for yourself, let alone others. Are you prepared when you have sex with someone to take on the responsibility that goes with it?
I was not smart. I made many poor choices. I'm not stupid but I don't and sometimes can't pay attention well enough to make huge long term commitments. See the fact that I have been married 5 times, been in 3 other long term relationships, and have had 4 children with 4 different women.
Each situation stands on its own. I'll never regret my children. I do regret not dealing with my mental health more. I was always trying to create so semblance of a "normal" life. I was always trying to recreate and fix the mistakes of the past. More than just myself suffered.
When I met my third wife, I fell so deeply in love with her. I felt inspired to be more, do more, and I really did. Things got complicated between us but I was there to find a way to make it work. It started to get better.
Then our son died of SIDS. We both went off the rails. For myself I tried finding love I thought, but really I was frightened of being alone. I thought I kept having to build a new family each time it broke. But it was me, not them.
So life is far more complicated than some simple story. It's easy just to judge someone for bad decisions, or bad decisions you perceive.
